This week’s comic addresses the rather darker aspect of self-mutilation, I bounced back and forth if I should include this panel. Though I have been free from it for years my skin itself speaks the truth of what a prevalent part of my life it once was, so I finally decided I needed to include it.
It’s strange so many years later to have found a better understanding as to why this was so effective and addictive for me. If the anxiety that, I’m coming to realize, seems to have always been a part of my life is a result of an overactive, and unnecessary fight or flight response. The calming effect of causing damage was undeniable, with the release of endorphins the flame brain would finally calm, and I would experience a kind of peace and relaxation that was and still is rare for me to know.
But my arms would end up just covered with cuts, which for the most part I wouldn’t hide. It became too much, I knew it wasn’t a solution, it was just dysfunctional. I broke the pattern so long ago but still it was like any other addiction, you have to be firm with the decision, understand that you may relapse, but keep pushing forward with your goal.
I still struggle with many of my feelings every day, using this comic and blog to help me better understand myself, where these feelings are coming from and how to heal these parts of myself. I’m hope that making these public may mean that maybe my experience can help someone else too. Even if it’s just to let them know they are not alone.
Many resources are available, I started by speaking with my doctor, and found I had many options from group therapy to one on one counseling. The first step is to reach out and tell someone to talk about how you feel, and to ask for help.
If you would like to support my work you can do so at http://www.patreon.com/beccatr
On Fire for Anxiety 10